I Remember…

Felt like writing today, but couldn’t figure out where to begin. Using the writing exercise of “I remember” to brain dump.

I remember when caller ID was a separate device and an extra charge on the phone bill. Now, caller ID is the standard.

I remember when landlines were dodgy and you could pick up your phone and hear another person’s partial conversation over the dial tone.

I remember when we had a dial tone.

I remember when the family size box of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes was $1.99.

I remember eating Kix, Rice Krispies, and corn flakes with a bunch of sugar that never dissolved at the bottom of the bowl. Each scoop had a nice portion of sugar to pair with my bland cereal.

I remember watching the Die Hard movie last Christmas, because it’s a Christmas movie, and noticed a scene revealing gas prices were 74¢ for regular and 77¢ for unleaded in LOS ANGELES.

I remember when I took my first sip of wine as a kid and thought it was the most disgusting thing ever. Now I love wine. The same happened when I first tried beer in my 20s. Disgusting! Now I can appreciate a good beer. Funny how our palate changes.

I remember when the internet was mailed to your home in the form of a free AOL trial CD. We had free internet for a while as we would cancel after 30-60 days and sign up with a new disk.

I remember when I was naïve of the foolery in the world. All I wanted to do was play outside, make mud pies, and sell them for five rocks to friends at my fake bakery.

I remember when I had an imaginary friend. Now I don’t have any friends. Just kidding, I have friends, but my imaginary friend, Stephanie, was better. 😀

I remember when I wanted to grow up, but once I grew up, I wished to be a kid. Let’s be honest, I never actually grew up. I have an adult body with the mind of a 15 year old who acts her age when she needs to. Actually, make that the mind of a 10 year old. I laugh at my own foolery sometimes.

I remember thinking coffee was disgusting. Now I drink it every morning and spike it with a little sumin’ sumin’ once in a while for no other reason than I’m grown and paid for everything in the fridge that sits under the roof I pay for. 😀

I remember BBQs with family lasting all day into the next morning. Great food, music, neighborhood friends would stop by for a plate, wonderful vibe. I remember and cherish those days.

What are some random things you remember that brings back good feelings or laughs?

The Toolbox Fallacy vs Being Unmotivated

You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. 

Zig Ziglar

What does the toolbox fallacy mean? Well, you’ve probably fallen into this fallacy without realizing it had a name. The toolbox fallacy is when you disguise your procrastination with the excuse of having a lack of “tools” to get you started. A good example is, “I’ll start working out when I buy a Fitbit,” but you never buy that Fitbit and never workout. You use the excuse of not having that item to deceive yourself into believing you need the Fitbit “tool” in order to start your fitness journey. In reality, you can workout without the Fitbit.

The idea of “I need X in order to do Y,” is something I catch myself doing. This is easier for me to realize as I equate it to want vs need. When I hit a want vs need moment, I know to stop and think about whether or not I’m impulsively buying something or if I actually need it. Using this thought process for the toolbox fallacy has helped me realize how easy it is to make excuses for minimal things when I can easily complete. Another example of the toolbox fallacy is thinking once you have X, Y will come with ease. Just because you purchased acrylic paints and canvases doesn’t mean you’ll be an expert painter. The work still needs to be done once you get X. I have friends who deceived themselves due to thinking if they bought X, they’d become instant masters in Y. They either gave up or became uninterested as soon as the product arrived.

The toolbox fallacy and being unmotivated are, for me, two different feelings. “I need X in order to do Y” shifts to, “I’ll do it later.” When I’m unmotivated, I can’t gather the physical or mental energy to focus on one task. This results in not having the clarity to get started, knowing what I want to do, and the goal outcome. When I don’t have a clear vision, I become semi-frustrated and unmotivated. 10 percent of the time I complete a goal, whether it’s writing, painting, drawing, etc., I was able to visualize what I wanted to achieve and was physically and mentally ready to do it. It’s rare to have my mental and physical self align perfectly to feel beyond motivated. I usually have one or the other and enough partial focus to achieve my goal. This results in me becoming motivated as I go.

This post was sitting in my drafts for months with only the title and first sentence. Why? I wasn’t motivated to write it. Today, I had enough mental energy and focus to create this post. I had no idea what I was going to write, but the goal was to start typing and see where it went. The idea of starting is the easiest yet hardest thing for many to do. Quite sure everyone has their reasons. If you’re reading this and fell into the toolbox fallacy or simply unmotivated, I encourage you to just start. Grab that pen and paper and do a brain dump, Google search what you need to get motivated or inspired, play that song that gets you pumped, find your groove, and ride that energy wave.

Truths About Life That Goes Against Societal Norm

Not every woman wants to be a mother.
Why are people shocked when a woman says she doesn’t want to be a mother? Not every woman wants to have a child or raise one and that’s OK. A woman who admits to not wanting children receive the dirtiest confused looks I’ve ever seen. It’s usually followed up with the question “why” or “you’ll change your mind.”

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Trying to be a Savior Can Do More Harm Than Good

We all know 2020 was a hot mess. The pandemic started, political tension, and racial tension with hundreds of protests denouncing police brutality. It was a year that, undoubtedly, stressed a lot of people out. In this particular post, I’m going to talk about an article I read about a UCLA professor being suspended for not giving black students an easier final exam in June 2020. This article displayed the savior complex, society’s newfound understanding of how stressed black people are when it comes to societal issues, and the audacity people had with this newfound information.

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Optimistic Carla Bishop | Short Story Generator

I haven’t written anything a while due to not being motivated and working crazy hours. I’m trying to get back into writing abut anything just to get me back in the groove. I feel I’ve been languishing. Simply not motivated, but can’t pinpoint what’s going on.

Decided to using a short story generator to get my brain pumping, but the outcome was more hilarious than I thought it would be. I didn’t put much thought into the generator’s options as I just wanted to see what would be produced. This story is a hot mess, but it has some qualities. Decided to share.

Generated story:

Carla Bishop had always loved dull New York with its cloudy, curly cold. It was a place where she felt happy.

She was an optimistic, articulate, whiskey drinker with handsome fingers and tall toes. Her friends saw her as a hot, heavy hero. Once, she had even saved a crispy toddler that was stuck in a drain. That’s the sort of woman she was.

Carla walked over to the window and reflected on her noisy surroundings. The clouds danced like shouting dog.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Luke Barker. Luke was a stable teacher with curvy fingers and red toes.

Carla gulped. She was not prepared for Luke.

As Carla stepped outside and Luke came closer, she could see the unsteady smile on his face.

Luke glared with all the wrath of 4284 thoughtless silky squirrels. He said, in hushed tones, “I hate you and I want justice.”

Carla looked back, even more concerned and still fingering the warped ruler. “Luke, I don’t have the money,” she replied.

They looked at each other with stressed feelings, like two poised, panicky pigeons smiling at a very arrogant court, which had music playing in the background and two gracious uncles thinking to the beat.

Carla regarded Luke’s curvy fingers and red toes. “I feel the same way!” revealed Carla with a delighted grin.

Luke looked anxious, his emotions blushing like a putrid, proud piano.

Then Luke came inside for a nice glass of whiskey. THE END

People Want a Relationship but Don’t Want a Relationship

I’ve noticed something. More and more people want a relationship, but don’t want a relationship.

People, not all, love the title of boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, lover, etc., but will bypass all of the necessary steps to build the foundation to have a stable relationship. During these quarantine times, people want company. To be honest, there are couples who’ve discovered how much they dislike each other, but that’s a different topic.

Social media is filled with #couplegoals, #marriagegoals, and who knows what other relationship hashtags. Nothing wrong with that, but there are a lot of people who want to be part of that hashtag so bad, they’ll seek relationships just for the sake of having them. Very few people aren’t interested in getting to know each other. They’ll date for a month, end up with a title, post their love on social media, then the relationship is over a month later. Yes, I’ve seen it happen. The same people wonder what happened or were shocked to see the person dramatically change once the “title” was implemented. It’s as if some are jumping into relationships for the gram.

I wrote a post about never feeling lonely. Some people hate being alone and seek romantic relationships to fill that void. The thing that strikes me is those same people will admit to not wanting to be in a romantic relationship with anyone because they only want company. Sad thing is, they don’t relay that vital information to the person they’re essentially using. The unknowing void filler wants to make things official resulting in the relationship becoming one-sided. In the end, the relationship doesn’t work and the one who didn’t want the relationship in the first place wonders why things didn’t work out.

I know people who have done these things. I tell them to stay single and concentrate on themselves, but they continue to have at least three relationships a year and can’t figure out what the issue is. Chill! Come up for a few breaths of air. Are they hopeless romantics? Do they constantly daydream of love? Do they want to imitate what they see in romantic movies, dating shows, and social media. Based on conversations, seems like it. Ironically, they say they don’t want to be in a relationship, but the invitation is too tantalizing to say no. I laughably don’t understand.

I had someone ask me to be in a relationship less than two months after dating. My response,

There’s a want versus need when it comes to relationships. You should never need a relationship. You want one. When I say want, make sure you have the time and space to allow someone to enter your life and travel down your path. If you don’t want to share that path with someone, don’t drag them along and possibly hurt them on the way just to fill void. Make sure you want to put in the effort to build a friendship that forms the foundation for a strong relationship. Stop worrying about whether or not your behind in the romance department because society is pressuring you. Stop looking at the lovey dovey social media posts of couples smiling and pretending they don’t argue or broke up at least three times before taking that picture.

I’m not a relationship expert. Relationships can be complicating because life happens, but if you go into an unwanted relationship, you’re just complicating things from the jump which is 100% avoidable. Some people only like the idea of a relationship. That’s the problem.

Why You Should Always Be Yourself

Simple answer… because it’s too exhausting trying to maintain a facade.

Whether you’re trying to fit in, impress people, or want what others have, being yourself is always the best route. I’m not saying people can’t improve themselves. If you’re an asshole and aware of your assholery, yeah, you can do something about it if it’s impacting your life in a negative way. Let’s admit it, some assholes get away with things and their life seems to go smoothly. At least they are being themselves… in a punchable way.

Being yourself is something you don’t have to keep track of. If you keep switching personalities based on who you’re around, you have to keep track of that mask and who you wore it for. Keeping up a front is not easy. You’re bound to slip up and reveal yourself. When you do, will those same people like you? Will they be shocked? This only adds more confusion, self-doubt, and possibly guilt.

Let people know who you are upfront. If they like you, they like you. If they don’t, is it really a loss? It’s OK to not impress everyone. It’s OK to not become friends with everyone.

I Never Get Lonely

2020 has been an interesting year. As people started to work on their New Year’s resolutions, they had no idea the world would come to a halt. We’ve read or watched historical documentaries about pandemics, but we’ve never dealt with one with this much magnitude. Many people lost their jobs resulting in extremely hard times financially and many discovered they aren’t physically or mentally able to handle being in “lockdown.”

It has been interesting to observe friends and strangers as they maneuver through not being able to socialize or freely travel like they use to. I’ve watched, through social media, people post more photos and videos because they needed the attention. They’re so use to receiving face-to-face recognition that they seek it out through “look at me” moments on social media. Some went from rarely posting to posting almost everyday. Basic selfies turned into rambling videos, nonsensical stories, seminude photos, and posts of them expressing their boredom. I could easily spot the extroverts who couldn’t handle not socializing.

I asked some friends how they’ve been coping with the year and the most interesting response is they’re lonely. This made me come to the realization I never get lonely.

I don’t require interacting with people. I’ve taken the the personality test online and I’m considered an ambivert. Maybe that plays a role in the way I interact with people.

I currently live alone and have been asked how do I cope. My response, “I enjoy my space.” That’s usually followed up with, “do you ever get lonely?”

No.

This reply bewilders them.

I’ve realized I enjoy my own company and not many people can say that. I’m fully comfortable by myself. Granted, I’m not going through anything depressing at the moment, but even when I was, I was still comfortable being alone. Quite sure it will vary depending on the situation, but let’s focus on a healthy state of mind.

I wake up, enjoy the silence, zero interruptions, the freedom to do whatever I want, listen to my own thoughts, feelings, and relaxation. This may sound basic, but I appreciate all of this. To some people, this isn’t enough. They need someone else to be physically present. The idea of being alone scares them while I feel at ease.

I can’t put my finger on the exact reason, but maybe it’s because I’m an only child and don’t require attention. Maybe I appreciate my intimate space more than others. Maybe I’m comfortable hearing my own thoughts and communicating with myself. Yes, I talk to myself. Judge me. I’ve always felt like a solo person, but 2020 has really pointed that out to me.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy interacting with friends and having a romantic relationship. I do miss going out for happy hour and mingling, sporting events, traveling, etc. Social events are amazing, but it isn’t a necessity for me. When I go out, it’s because I choose to and not to fill lonely void. I don’t require the energy of others to boost my mood. Remember, I’m basing this off of a healthy state of mind.

I never get bored or lonely with myself and I appreciate that quality. Even in a relationship, I enjoy “me time” versus wanting the attention of my lover 24/7. I love being an individual and not being codependent.

It’s ok to be alone and never feeling lonely. People may look at you in disbelief, but there’s nothing wrong with it. Everyone is different. I don’t knock those who require attention. We simply rarely hear about those who are fine alone. Maybe it’s because we’re in our own world minding our business enjoying stillness and peace.

Do you never feel lonely or bored of your own company? Has this year made you reflect on your personality and how socializing played a role in your life?

The Perfect Day

I wake up at 6am and drink 2 cups of coffee.

I workout for 45 minutes then take a shower.

I prepare a light breakfast and eat while reading a book.

Do a DuoLingo lesson in Spanish for 30 minutes.

Listen to a podcast before I start my workday.

Video scripts get written and delivered to clients.

Play in Photoshop and Adobe Premiere Pro and create stuff I’m proud of.

Eat some more food while watching YouTube or Twitch.

Play video games with a glass of wine.

Read a book for an hour. 

Feeling amazing. That’s the perfect day.

Then go to bed.

This usually happens once or twice a week.

What usually happens…

Most days I wake up around 7am.

Turn on my computer and go to YouTube or Twitch and make a cup of coffee.

Each time I see an email notification, I brace myself for the generic job rejection email, but at least they didn’t ghost me.

I debate on whether or not I want to eat breakfast, skip it, or snack.

Open Google Drive to start writing video scripts, but I get distracted by who knows what.

No podcast. Just watching video game cutscenes to get me motivated to write. Yes, this works for me for some reason. 

Get the scripts done. Workout. Shower.

Scroll through Linkedin and Indeed looking for fulltime jobs during a pandemic when millions are now laid off.

Stress out that my unemployment is running low.

Try to figure out what I should have done and what I need to do with my life.

Debate if I want dinner. Odds are I skip it or snack.

Maybe watch a movie or play video games to calm my mind.

Hop into bed oddly feeling no regret about the day.

I still sleep well.

Every day doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to accomplish X, Y, and Z. Try your hardest to do what you can, but don’t beat yourself up if things remain on your list. The perfect day varies and that’s alright.