I Remember…

Felt like writing today, but couldn’t figure out where to begin. Using the writing exercise of “I remember” to brain dump.

I remember when caller ID was a separate device and an extra charge on the phone bill. Now, caller ID is the standard.

I remember when landlines were dodgy and you could pick up your phone and hear another person’s partial conversation over the dial tone.

I remember when we had a dial tone.

I remember when the family size box of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes was $1.99.

I remember eating Kix, Rice Krispies, and corn flakes with a bunch of sugar that never dissolved at the bottom of the bowl. Each scoop had a nice portion of sugar to pair with my bland cereal.

I remember watching the Die Hard movie last Christmas, because it’s a Christmas movie, and noticed a scene revealing gas prices were 74¢ for regular and 77¢ for unleaded in LOS ANGELES.

I remember when I took my first sip of wine as a kid and thought it was the most disgusting thing ever. Now I love wine. The same happened when I first tried beer in my 20s. Disgusting! Now I can appreciate a good beer. Funny how our palate changes.

I remember when the internet was mailed to your home in the form of a free AOL trial CD. We had free internet for a while as we would cancel after 30-60 days and sign up with a new disk.

I remember when I was naïve of the foolery in the world. All I wanted to do was play outside, make mud pies, and sell them for five rocks to friends at my fake bakery.

I remember when I had an imaginary friend. Now I don’t have any friends. Just kidding, I have friends, but my imaginary friend, Stephanie, was better. 😀

I remember when I wanted to grow up, but once I grew up, I wished to be a kid. Let’s be honest, I never actually grew up. I have an adult body with the mind of a 15 year old who acts her age when she needs to. Actually, make that the mind of a 10 year old. I laugh at my own foolery sometimes.

I remember thinking coffee was disgusting. Now I drink it every morning and spike it with a little sumin’ sumin’ once in a while for no other reason than I’m grown and paid for everything in the fridge that sits under the roof I pay for. 😀

I remember BBQs with family lasting all day into the next morning. Great food, music, neighborhood friends would stop by for a plate, wonderful vibe. I remember and cherish those days.

What are some random things you remember that brings back good feelings or laughs?

The Toolbox Fallacy vs Being Unmotivated

You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. 

Zig Ziglar

What does the toolbox fallacy mean? Well, you’ve probably fallen into this fallacy without realizing it had a name. The toolbox fallacy is when you disguise your procrastination with the excuse of having a lack of “tools” to get you started. A good example is, “I’ll start working out when I buy a Fitbit,” but you never buy that Fitbit and never workout. You use the excuse of not having that item to deceive yourself into believing you need the Fitbit “tool” in order to start your fitness journey. In reality, you can workout without the Fitbit.

The idea of “I need X in order to do Y,” is something I catch myself doing. This is easier for me to realize as I equate it to want vs need. When I hit a want vs need moment, I know to stop and think about whether or not I’m impulsively buying something or if I actually need it. Using this thought process for the toolbox fallacy has helped me realize how easy it is to make excuses for minimal things when I can easily complete. Another example of the toolbox fallacy is thinking once you have X, Y will come with ease. Just because you purchased acrylic paints and canvases doesn’t mean you’ll be an expert painter. The work still needs to be done once you get X. I have friends who deceived themselves due to thinking if they bought X, they’d become instant masters in Y. They either gave up or became uninterested as soon as the product arrived.

The toolbox fallacy and being unmotivated are, for me, two different feelings. “I need X in order to do Y” shifts to, “I’ll do it later.” When I’m unmotivated, I can’t gather the physical or mental energy to focus on one task. This results in not having the clarity to get started, knowing what I want to do, and the goal outcome. When I don’t have a clear vision, I become semi-frustrated and unmotivated. 10 percent of the time I complete a goal, whether it’s writing, painting, drawing, etc., I was able to visualize what I wanted to achieve and was physically and mentally ready to do it. It’s rare to have my mental and physical self align perfectly to feel beyond motivated. I usually have one or the other and enough partial focus to achieve my goal. This results in me becoming motivated as I go.

This post was sitting in my drafts for months with only the title and first sentence. Why? I wasn’t motivated to write it. Today, I had enough mental energy and focus to create this post. I had no idea what I was going to write, but the goal was to start typing and see where it went. The idea of starting is the easiest yet hardest thing for many to do. Quite sure everyone has their reasons. If you’re reading this and fell into the toolbox fallacy or simply unmotivated, I encourage you to just start. Grab that pen and paper and do a brain dump, Google search what you need to get motivated or inspired, play that song that gets you pumped, find your groove, and ride that energy wave.

Truths About Life That Goes Against Societal Norm

Not every woman wants to be a mother.
Why are people shocked when a woman says she doesn’t want to be a mother? Not every woman wants to have a child or raise one and that’s OK. A woman who admits to not wanting children receive the dirtiest confused looks I’ve ever seen. It’s usually followed up with the question “why” or “you’ll change your mind.”

Continue reading →

Squid Game Review: That Was Unexpected

I saw the Netflix trailer for Squid Game a month ago and figured I’d check it out. Initially thought it was a movie, but discovered it was a nine-episode season. First thought, “Ah man, I don’t feel like getting into a series. Pass!” Nine hours later… didn’t regret a thing, but I have so many questions.

Little backstory if you haven’t watched and please note, this post will contain major spoilers.

Continue reading →

Trying to be a Savior Can Do More Harm Than Good

We all know 2020 was a hot mess. The pandemic started, political tension, and racial tension with hundreds of protests denouncing police brutality. It was a year that, undoubtedly, stressed a lot of people out. In this particular post, I’m going to talk about an article I read about a UCLA professor being suspended for not giving black students an easier final exam in June 2020. This article displayed the savior complex, society’s newfound understanding of how stressed black people are when it comes to societal issues, and the audacity people had with this newfound information.

Continue reading →
Vegan Cinnamon Rolls

Vegan Cinnamon Rolls

I usually exchange food gifts with a friend. She had one simple request. That simple request was to bake her some vegan cinnamon rolls.

I’ve made many things, but not once did I ever consider making cinnamon rolls, let alone vegan cinnamon rolls.

She gave me a recipe she thought I should try and realized the only thing vegan about the cinnamon rolls was the replacement of butter and milk. Luckily, I already consume a milk substitute, but I had to get introduced to vegan butter.

Continue reading →

Optimistic Carla Bishop | Short Story Generator

I haven’t written anything a while due to not being motivated and working crazy hours. I’m trying to get back into writing abut anything just to get me back in the groove. I feel I’ve been languishing. Simply not motivated, but can’t pinpoint what’s going on.

Decided to using a short story generator to get my brain pumping, but the outcome was more hilarious than I thought it would be. I didn’t put much thought into the generator’s options as I just wanted to see what would be produced. This story is a hot mess, but it has some qualities. Decided to share.

Generated story:

Carla Bishop had always loved dull New York with its cloudy, curly cold. It was a place where she felt happy.

She was an optimistic, articulate, whiskey drinker with handsome fingers and tall toes. Her friends saw her as a hot, heavy hero. Once, she had even saved a crispy toddler that was stuck in a drain. That’s the sort of woman she was.

Carla walked over to the window and reflected on her noisy surroundings. The clouds danced like shouting dog.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Luke Barker. Luke was a stable teacher with curvy fingers and red toes.

Carla gulped. She was not prepared for Luke.

As Carla stepped outside and Luke came closer, she could see the unsteady smile on his face.

Luke glared with all the wrath of 4284 thoughtless silky squirrels. He said, in hushed tones, “I hate you and I want justice.”

Carla looked back, even more concerned and still fingering the warped ruler. “Luke, I don’t have the money,” she replied.

They looked at each other with stressed feelings, like two poised, panicky pigeons smiling at a very arrogant court, which had music playing in the background and two gracious uncles thinking to the beat.

Carla regarded Luke’s curvy fingers and red toes. “I feel the same way!” revealed Carla with a delighted grin.

Luke looked anxious, his emotions blushing like a putrid, proud piano.

Then Luke came inside for a nice glass of whiskey. THE END

Exercising By Default…?

Many people are talking about how they’ve gained weight during the quarantine, but I’ve dropped 10 lbs. I’m exercising by default… sorta. I feel as though if things were normal, I wouldn’t be working out as much. I’d probably have distractions or other excuses.

Since I’m freelancing and outside is closed, I don’t have much else to do but workout to avoid sitting all day. My New Year’s goal was to get in better shape, but before quarantine, my friends wanted to hang with me more than usual. Not complaining, but where were they when I was being a fatty? LOL. I’m not the type to hang with friends and eat a salad while they enjoy beer and fried food.

I’m not new to exercise, but during this time, I’ve noticed some things that have happened… mostly mentally.

My cravings change.
I start to crave the unhealthiest foods imaginable. Instead of reaching for an unhealthy treat, I workout. By the time I’m done, I find myself craving a smoothie or another alternative to what I was originally contemplating consuming. Usually I’d grab the cookie or order delivery and regret it later. Recently, I had a Dominos tab open with an order in my cart, but I had a cardio workout paused in my video player. I honestly sat for 30 minutes debating if I wanted to be bad or healthy. I chose to be healthy.

I divert my mind.
The most beautiful thing about working out is that my mind gets distracted. How many times have you found yourself stressing out about something and it goes away during your workout? People with stress and anxiety lean on exercise to give themselves a mental break from their worries of the day. I’ve had quite a few things to stress about and fitness has prevented one or two meltdowns.

Music motivates me.
Have you ever worked out to music and found yourself going to the beat? I could feel exhausted, but once my favorite jam comes on and the beat drops, I suddenly feel rejuvenated. Sometimes I’ll put my workout clothes on and pace around with a hot beat to get me going. Try to pick upbeat music during your intense workouts and slow beats during cooldowns, yoga, and/or pilates.

Who doesn’t want to burn calories?
I use a heart rate monitor and can view calories burned during a workout. If I’m at 450 calories, I’m often motivated to keep going to burn 500. As basic as that sounds, sometimes it motivates me to extend my workout… as long as I have the energy.

Confidence improves as my body changes.
According to the scale, I’ve dropped weight. I still have some fat to get rid of to see fully defined muscles, but I know I’m stronger. My arms are more defined. At one point, I would get tired doing 10 pushups on my knees. Now I can do 15 on my toes.

It boosts endorphins.
Endorphins are nothing, but neurotransmitters of your brain that make you feel good. When you workout, the production of endorphins is enhanced. Your mood automatically boosts or improves when these neurotransmitters are increased. Instead of taking a nap, I workout. If I feel sluggish, I’ll do squats or run in place to get the blood flowing and trigger endorphins.

I have a buddy who’s also working out.
It’s always great to have a friend who’s going through a fitness journey. She’s thinner than me and does different workouts, but that doesn’t matter. I only point it out because people have a habit of comparing themselves to people on different journeys. What’s important is we motivate each other and share great workouts we discover on YouTube. We haven’t seen each other face-to-face since February, but we’re both motivated to be in better shape the next time we see each other. It’s like we’re getting ready for a reveal.

 

The Perfect Day

I wake up at 6am and drink 2 cups of coffee.

I workout for 45 minutes then take a shower.

I prepare a light breakfast and eat while reading a book.

Do a DuoLingo lesson in Spanish for 30 minutes.

Listen to a podcast before I start my workday.

Video scripts get written and delivered to clients.

Play in Photoshop and Adobe Premiere Pro and create stuff I’m proud of.

Eat some more food while watching YouTube or Twitch.

Play video games with a glass of wine.

Read a book for an hour. 

Feeling amazing. That’s the perfect day.

Then go to bed.

This usually happens once or twice a week.

What usually happens…

Most days I wake up around 7am.

Turn on my computer and go to YouTube or Twitch and make a cup of coffee.

Each time I see an email notification, I brace myself for the generic job rejection email, but at least they didn’t ghost me.

I debate on whether or not I want to eat breakfast, skip it, or snack.

Open Google Drive to start writing video scripts, but I get distracted by who knows what.

No podcast. Just watching video game cutscenes to get me motivated to write. Yes, this works for me for some reason. 

Get the scripts done. Workout. Shower.

Scroll through Linkedin and Indeed looking for fulltime jobs during a pandemic when millions are now laid off.

Stress out that my unemployment is running low.

Try to figure out what I should have done and what I need to do with my life.

Debate if I want dinner. Odds are I skip it or snack.

Maybe watch a movie or play video games to calm my mind.

Hop into bed oddly feeling no regret about the day.

I still sleep well.

Every day doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to accomplish X, Y, and Z. Try your hardest to do what you can, but don’t beat yourself up if things remain on your list. The perfect day varies and that’s alright.